I realize that I tend to procrastinate before I write these Comic Gold Blog essays - it’s part of my process, but I agree six weeks is a little ridiculous. So, if you’re one of the millions of people who look forward to my Blog every month (and, of course, by millions I mean dozens), I can tell you it won’t happen again. I’m on it.
Today before sitting down to write I went to the gym, picked up lunch and most importantly, took care of a little manscaping (and, of course, by a little I mean a thicket’s worth of trimming and edging). I’ve got a big week ahead of me.
Coincidentally, grooming is my topic today. Not so much grooming as just one little barbershop. One peril of being a comic is that the, “I’m smarter than these people” feeling seems to creep in from time to time. And, one peril of living in the New York Tri-state area is that the pace of life here sometimes makes a more patient way of life seem hokey and uninspired.
But, I’m here to tell you. If you need an attitude adjustment. If you need to get a little perspective, and a little off the top, then Berry’s Barbershop in St. Charles, Illinois is your joint. From now on, I’m making a pilgrimage to Berry’s once a year when I’m in St. Charles working the Zanies Comedy Club out there. Screw Mecca, I’ve got Berry’s.
Berry’s has been there 99 years but the owner, who cut my hair, told me he’s only been there for the last 41. Young kid. I’m sure he’ll get the hang of it one of these days.
St. Charles is a nice town pretty much right outside Chicago. It’s the kind of place Sarah Palin would love and I don’t mean that as a compliment to her. It’s got her kind of diversity and it’s on the Fox River, which connects to the Mississippi River, which connects to the Gulf of Mexico, which connects to the Atlantic Ocean, which connects to everywhere. So you can see how, just by being in St. Charles, IL, one could be considered an expert on foreign policy. Ok, it might not rank with knowing Russia because you can see it from your yard in Alaska, but there’s certain logic here if you think about it. You can, however, see Wisconsin from the Fox River and Wisconsin ain’t Russia, but it’s close. On one website, they refer to the Fox River Chain O’ Lakes area as the Key West of the Midwest. Maybe we should keep that part from Palin. I have a feeling she doesn’t see Key West as her kind of place. Although you can sort of see Cuba from there.
I truly learned a lot in Berry’s. First I relearned not to judge too quickly. When I walked in there was a 200-year-old guy getting a haircut. Getting a haircut very slooooooowly. You could actually see the old guy’s hair grow it was such a slow haircut and I thought, “this barber is going to drive me nuts if it takes him this long to cut my hair.”
But once I got in the chair, I realized that the barber paced his cutting based on the customer. The old guy, I assume, expected a slower seemingly more thorough haircut. I, a younger man, got a much faster haircut befitting my fast-paced exciting lifestyle. Actually I took a nap after the cut, but that’s beside the point.
I learned it’s good to slow down a little and enjoy a few minutes of interaction with your fellow human beings. My father loves talking to strangers. He’ll talk to a statue if there’s no one else around. I’m not that keen on talking to strangers, but that’s all going to change now. I’m an open book from now on. Is Up With People still around, because I’m joining? Or auditioning? Whatever the hell you have to do to get into Up With People.
The owner, and I’m really sorry I didn’t ask his name (my dad would know his name, his wife’s name, and the name of the guy who services his snow blower) showed me the pictures of his red classic convertible and told me and the crowd in the shop that you can get anywhere a toll road goes, on secondary roads, almost as fast. That one I’m not so sure about but it jibes with the whole Zen theme of this Blog so I’m going with it.
I’m, now a fan of St. Charles East football and their starting quarterback Nolan Possley. Good family, the Possleys. That’s according to the barber. They get their hair cut at Berry’s and that’s good enough for me.
Time has changed around Berry’s Barbershop. Beside it is a fitness studio specializing in core training. Berry’s has been there since core training mean corps training and included a drill instructor screaming obscenities at you until you could hit a Prussian head-sized target from 400 yards.
Berry’s also allowed me to relax even more during the best part of a haircut. The part I always savor. The razor to the back of the neck. In Hoboken, I’m like a Board of Health inspector’except that I haven’t been bribed and I actually care’making sure that the barber changes the blade and sloshes the blade, the handle and everyone else in the shop at the time in that wonderful, blue, germ-killing stuff before he even comes near me. At Berry’s, why bother? It’s a 99-year-old barbershop in the Midwest. He cuts me, what’s the worst I’d get, Lockjaw? That’s nothing compared to the modern diseases that exist outside of Berry’s Barbershop.